July

A dozen months ago I started this poetry diary project thing
I felt my feet falling and i knew i had to cling
to the only things in this world that are a part of my heart
my wife n' my kids of course but also my art
que sera sera what will be? no clue!
let the world dictate my life and my pen followed through
never lied never tried to hide what i felt i said
when it was time to cry i cried, time to bleed I bled

n' am I happy now? nope. don't use the word hope
optimism seems to slip between my fingers like soap
but something very deep in me can now see things differently
cuz now at least I know I can cope.

followed this almost scientific epic almost religiously
at times found myself wishing I could take this less seriously
in the midst of raw agony the search for something esthetic
didn't come naturally sometimes I felt quite pathetic
killing the screens like I did spilling the beans like I did
remaining unshielded unprotected like a kid
on a long long journey towards youth
every step taking me both closer and farther from truth

n' am i happy now? nope. don't use the word hope
optimism seems to slip between my fingers like soap
but something very deep in me can now see things differently
cuz now at least i know i can cope.

listening closely to my baby I started thinking
how horrible it would be to not hear his tiny breath
every moment in my day contains some nothing
every instant in my life carries death
I'll never forget i had a little sister
never cease to love and miss her
have thoughts concerning her for as long as I live
imaginations contemplations various kinds of "what if..."
are destined to be part of me forever, however
time made me clever and i now realize
I've got a whole lot more than just tears in these eyes
I've got a whole lot more than just tears in my eyes

n' am I happy now? nope. don't use the word hope
optimism seems to slip between my fingers like soap
but something very deep in me does now see things differently
cuz now, I know I can cope.

a dozen months ago I started this poetry diary project thing
I was at an all time low, hanging from very thin string
one year later- a proud father of two boys
occupied insanely with diapers and toys
I know I'm in a better place cuz shit!
life showed me it's ugliest side and I faced it
only once in a while I get weak in the knees
Tova Yael Streett rest in peace, please.

מילים: שאנן סטריט, לחן: חוה אלברשטיין